He was hired!! Yes! This was certain and we know this because his HR Manager recently gave him his appointment letter duly signed.
Day 1, new office, new set up, new city, he entered the meeting room with an uncertainty, After hours of discussions, introductions and clarifications he said “I am your new manager, my cubicle is right next to your Finance manager’s cubicle and I am always available, mail me or text me anytime you’ll always be answered. Were his phrases out of fear of failure and a need for acceptance? He believed, such gestures would help him exercise soft leadership and would increase his acceptance rate, little did he know that this will soon be followed by a never-ending stream of questions, requests, demands and approvals at all hours. This happens to many of us. Isn’t it?
This is one story, but do you find yourself being a part of Yes Vicious Circle?
Do you feel suffocated under the weight of your own calls, emails, messages, tons of unread WhatsApp messages and never-ending to-do list, high demand, and unexpected meetings?
Let us look at it this way, the strategy of a successful business and a successful you is to focus and the strategy behind focus is to remove distractions and to eliminate distractions we need to learn to say NO.
FOR THINGS IMPORTANT!!
Imagine you said a YES to one of them, now it’s an obligation to say a yes to everyone?
You said a NO to one person, can you say yes to anyone else?
Understand that this is your car and you are the sole driver, the destination is yours, the journey is yours too!! Whom to take, when to take, what and how much has to be your call, but carefully looking at all the limitations and hazards that might follow.
When was the last time you prioritized your life?
And when was the last time you said NO to something that was blocking your way to your goal?
This is not at all your fault, you are simply trapped in this circle, but the one who’s responsible is YOU. But be accountable once you identify the reasons.
We are human and humans are a social animal and therefore, to gain acceptance and out of certain past obligations we feel YES is a bonding 3 letter word whereas, NO threatens that Bond, to avoid that threatening situation, we end up saying YES for many reasons,
#1 Because a NO might hurt our reputation.
#2 Because this is the first time they have asked for a favor
#3 Because then people might stop coming back to us and we would eventually lose our popularity amongst our gang
#4 Because we have a fear of rejection
#5 Because NO is a bad manner
#6 Because we live in a yes society.
When you opt to say NO the reasons could be,
#1 Because you have got only 24 hours like they do.
#2 Because you prioritize wheel of your life.
#3 Because you know what is going to reward you.
Not there arises a dilemma, to say YES or a NO??
Consider this, once, there was a man, who loved being around people, friends and family and colleagues, his coworkers his seniors everyone, he likes spending evening with them, that after work chit-chat, he was in a new job, a different environment, he had that same “fear of rejection” it started on his Day 1 after his working hours,
When for the first time he said yes to “let’s understand each other informally over evening dinner”,
Day 2 dinner at a place they planned the previous day, but could not make it,
Day 3 a day out with the boss an introductory beer with colleagues and juniors….
Day 40 another daily routine evening spent with colleagues because now he has said yes 39 times and it’s an obligatory 40th, all this time he was physically there but mentally he was home, today was his daughter’s first day at school, he should have been home asking her how was her day...
The 60th day after spending 9 hours in the office and 4 hours with the same colleagues and other few friends at the cafe he took out his wallet to pay only to figure out, there’s no money, came home just to trip over his daughter’s favorite doll because she was asleep, he kissed his wife’s forehead to receive a silence in return, poor finances, spoiled family relations and he also earned a disturbed wheel of life.
The scene could have been different if he would have politely said “YES to, “I only spend time out with friends on weekends” or “no not today can we go out this Saturday?” or, “sure I would love to make it this Saturday? or he could’ve framed it as, “I need to go home early someone's waiting for nine hours”, a little teasing but he would have saved his time for family his own peace of mind, finances, time for something he had always wanted to do, shopping time, some time for gym, or maybe for evening yoga or a walk with his partner, a call to your parents back home and most important of all, he could’ve managed his wheel of life.
When you keep these phrases are ready, people will eventually respect your time.
Sometimes commitments and obligations are difficult to reject, you cannot say “no you cannot ask me to stay back after my office hours” or “I cannot stay” to your boss but learn to understand the difference between actual need and being bullied.
You are not a people pleasure all you can do is show some respect to your work and to their feelings.
Tips
#1 Be polite and say yes if you can spare time and if that is convenient for you and you feel like doing it because of some past genuine reasons.
#2 Say a no with a genuine truth, there is no need to over-apologize, be firm, you are not seeking the permission to say no.
#3 No is a No, I will do it later, we will see, I will see to it, do not beat around the bush.
#4 They have a right to ask and you have a right to say no, do not feel guilty and do not over think.
Every one of us needs this wheel to run our lives practically every day. This may hold different importance for each one of us, but each one of us has got equal hours to be divided as per our requirement; therefore, before saying yes to any block of your wheel make sure you do not disturb the others.
As they say, you can't go anywhere until you change the flat tire.
Keep reminding yourself of your goals, your vision, and your present situation, this will help you say NO to the stuff hindering to your goal.
Be like a balloon, not the one tied to the rock, but the one which is free up in the air now and then you need to check whether you are tied again to some rock, and the moment you find yourself being tied to the one you need to get rid of it as soon as you can, you need to get rid of the rock to fly back in the air.
The preventive action taken was too late, and the advantages were lost. Literally speaking, there is no point regretting anything in life, and “why did I agree to this” is the worst situation ever, and that is why they say think before you speak, also think of the wheel attached to your life that makes your life roll around, and check why it isn't rolling smoothly.
Greg McKeown in his book says rank Your opportunities on a scale of 1 to 10 if the invite or request rank below 90 bring it 0, and politely decline the offer.
It is okay to be selfish just know what you are selfish for.
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